I really paced myself for the drive from Lake Tekapo to Te Anau. It was supposed to rain and snow basically the whole 6 hours, according to my weather app. It’s important to note, the iphone weather app is absolutely useless in New Zealand. Sometimes it would rain when it showed a clear sunny day and often it would not rain when it said that it would. It did not rain for about 5 1/2 hours into my journey. It’s times like that that I wish I could look into the future and tell my nerves “Hey it’s ok, nothing to fear”. In Te Anau, it was rainy. And it was cold. And the road to Milford Sound was closed because of heavy snowfall. I felt sort of comforted knowing that my options were few at least for that afternoon. I did a short hike close by and the woods looked like something you could find in northern California. It made me feel calm like home wasn’t so far away. I walked back and ate a little. There was a large group of loud, middle aged kiwis, eating and drinking and having fun. I went to my room, which was supposed to be a dorm but I was the only guest. After a while I decided to go back to the common room and look at some of the pics I had taken over the last month. It wasn’t long before they invited me to their party and offered me some wine. Why the fuck on earth would I say no? So I did. And we discussed New Zealand and America, the American political climate, driving on the right side of the road and other stuff. They really made a huge effort to welcome me. Eventually it became dinner time and of course I had to stay for dinner. They were serving food I would never dream of eating in America, specifically, a small, eel-like fish fried in a batter made with egg and flour. Honestly, I just didn’t want to be rude and also really appreciated free food. It wasn’t my favorite but it was edible. I excused myself shortly after dinner, being a true introvert, and took a shower. I had that feeling that I sometimes get where I feel so passionate that I feel like my heart is burning a hole in my chest. My passion was quickly replaced by fear, fear that I could easily lose everything in my life. The person I’m so insanely desperately in love with has the power to destroy me in a way that I don’t even believe deep in my soul I would have any interest in recovering from. So with that great passion, came that great vulnerability and that great fear. I fell asleep like a drunk person. And woke up at 5 am like a drunk person the next day.

 

The next day the road to Milford Sound was still closed because of snow. I made an attempt to drive up the road as far as I could to see all the sights. It was so heavily rainy that nothing was clear, and I felt I was wasting my time. I felt really miserable that day in the morning and all day for the most part. As usual the weather reflected my mood. I drove to town to get more groceries, and fill up my tank. I did come across these alpaca that proved to be much more camera friendly than the sheep in New Zealand, who run away from you as soon as you approach. I went back to the lodge and two of the employees proposed having a LOTR marathon since we were cabined in basically. My response to that was, fuck yes, obviously. They also offered me some of their root vegetables, which meant free dinner two nights in a row!! The people were really generous when I actually opened myself up to hospitality. It was so great to see the films and say “Hey! I’ve been there!” I made it half way through The Two Towers before passing out and heading off to bed.

 

I don’t know what blessed me the next day but I woke up energized and full of life. I looked out at the view from the kitchen. CLEAR FUCKING SKIES AND SNOW TOPPED MOUNTAINS. I checked out and proceeded to head to Milford Sound. I don’t know if it was because I was realizing how little time I had left in this beautiful country, but I was in the best mood I can ever remember being in. I was screaming and singing “Cabaret” on the whole drive there which was like an hour, but actually much more because of all the beautiful places that you stop to take pictures.

 

I got to a certain point high up in the mountains and saw the snow surrounding the roads and covering the mountains to each side. I felt like a champ, being there, driving, on the left side of the road by myself. My confidence was quickly waned after I pulled over to take some pictures and thought my car was stuck in the snow. I got out and kicked the snow around the tires away, it didn’t seem like that much to be stuck. I actually started to worry since I was the only person there. Luckily, someone pulled up, also to take pictures, a couple, and the man offered to help. He pulled my car out and said… yeah you had your e-brake on. Geeeeeeez. What a fucking loser I am. LOL. It was one of those moments I was so glad that I never had to see that person again and that I was traveling alone so no one could give me shit.

 

I proceeded to Milford Sound which was beautiful. I was at the point financially where I couldn’t justify spending $60 to take a cruise. So I basically had a tea, a treat, walked around and then drove back. I was disappointed but told myself it gives me an excuse to come back some day. Besides, at least half of the beauty of that place is in the road there.

 

On the way back I pulled over a few more times to take more pictures. I was listening to a really sentimental country song that I forgot I put on my playlist. Truly sappy and full of life advice. One of the lines is “Never settle for the path of least resistance.” I cried and cried and cried. I pulled over to photograph the grandeur of the mountain scape that surrounded me. I had to calm down and stop crying so the other tourists wouldn’t notice. I was so full of gratitude, so sure about the things in my life that I want, and so proud to have come as far as I have in that moment. I got back in and cried some more, stopped a few more times and then headed to town for my first really solid meal in a while.