The drive from Punakaiki to Lake Tekapo is stunning. It was about 5 or 6 hours. When I got to the lake, the color of the water blew me away. I got to my hostel and was so pleased to be the only guest. There was a cool sky roof and a kitchen where I got to make the food I had bought that morning. It was the first place I had enough discipline to not go out for food. Also my money sitch was becoming dire.

The day after arrival, I had a lot of time and there wasn’t much to do except marvel at this magnificent lake. I drove up to the observatory, which is the place that has the best view. What I love about New Zealand is that even the places that are touristy, there’s always places you can go and be alone. I drove back down, visited the church, the only other tourist attraction and I actually prayed. Prayer became a regular thing for me in this country, probably because the nature is so divine, so it just feels like you’re surrounded by God all the time.

 

Later I went very close to the shore. The water was cold, but not so freezing that it hurt.  I sang this mantra that I listen to when I meditate as I walked and stared at the water. It’s a meditation to heal your own pain that has been passed down to you from older generations in your family. Usually I do it for 31 minutes. I have no idea how long I sang it that day, but I stayed at this awesome v-shaped shore that had opposing tides for a while. Two currents constantly at odds, crashing against the rocky shore. Never ceasing opposition but never not existing together. I sat on a rock right on the middle and watched. It reminded me of the Temperance cared in tarot. I obviously saw my own life reflected back at me, which is what I always do I guess. I had become one side that opposing tide. I knew that now I am strong enough to be at opposition, and not back down just because it means that no one will like me anymore. I no longer have to go with everyone else’s flow. I can create my own flow. Anyone who abandons me is not someone I ever needed anyway.

I decided to try to walk as far as I could around this massive lake where only about 10% of it was easily accessible to tourists. I got about half a mile before the wind and rain suggested that I turn back. So I did that.

That night I was stoked to witness this big bright beautiful full moon reflected on the water. I was so excited that I rushed into my hostel to tell the other ladies to come out. I walked out with this French scientist girl and we made smalltalk which made me wish I had come out alone. I missed my love in a really desperate way.